• If you are considering eating a crunchy food but worry that your officemates may find it annoying, it is best to just not eat that food, because we do in fact hate you for it.
• If you are considering eating a crunchy food out of an even noisier bag, why would you do that? It’s probably bad for you.
• If you have a commemorative coffee mug featuring photos of the happy couple on your wedding day, and you are somehow comfortable using this mug at work, at least have the decency not to leave it in the communal dish rack.
• If you have a commemorative coffee mug featuring photos of the royal couple weeks before their wedding day, and you are somehow comfortable using this mug at work, at least have the decency not to leave it in the communal dish rack.
• The handicapped restroom is for pooping. Everyone knows this. Don’t feel shy about it. But do not poop after 5 pm, because that is when people start using it to change into their workout/happy hour clothes, and the poop smell is a buzzkill.

Sincerely,

Management